Odd Days of Sheer Perfection

Yesterday morning i had this moment... this strange sort of clarity where i truly felt like i was living the life of my dreams.

it was a surreal sort of clarity... we had gotten our first real snow... clearly coating the entire world and making everything seem crips and clear and perfect....

I was sitting around looking like absolute hell... in a hoodie and some yoga pants... big fluffy slippers and socks on... hair in a messy ponytail and bangs pinned back... nothing short of a bum.... and i know that my boyfriend thinks i am beautiful as he is looking at me while he is pressing his uniform to go on base for the week... (has to be crisp!!) we are watching the second season of the office on dvd, and this is of course after he has gone for his morning run and i have done my pilates, and we are just hanging out, enjoying talking to each other... saying nothing of any importance, nothing that i can recall at this point, and i could not help but thinking about how much i loved my life and the fact that i get to share it with him.

it might be just ever so cliche, but I sat in my recliner yesterday thinking about how lucky i was, our christmas tree is all decorated and it is absolutely perfect and everything i have ever wanted, we've got our stockings hung from the mantle, and i know that the man i love is want of nothing more than to come home to me and just talk to me, just be with me, life truly can get no better than this.

granted i have made my life sound sickeningly perfect, and it is by no means thus. my professional life all but sucks big hairy balls, ok i remove the all but it so very much does do all of the sucking, and i feel that i am drowning under imaginary timelines. but it is mornings like the one i experienced yesterday that remind me that there are things that are worth looking forward to, that no matter how much 98% of my life may totally blow... i still have that 2% which makes me feel ever so amazing.... and gives me the energy to go on!

I guess this would be New Year's Day...

Or the supposed incarnation of such as it pertains to my ramblings.....

Let us see however how it has gone thus far.... I did in fact do pilates this morning and yoga tonight when i got home from work, quickly followed by doing the dishes and cooking dinner..... ok, so i am off to a fantastic start really!! well... with my personal life at least....

I awoke this morning to my normal alarm of AC/DCs Thunderstruck at 5 am, only to snooze until 7 when Mark left for his run and I hopped out of bed to perform the afore mentioned pilates, only to get about 10 minutes in and remember that I had a meeting at 8 with my boss... I am sure that you can all hear the shit!... shit! shit! shit!!! that was running through my brain, so pilates thrown to the side, clothes thrown on and out the door I went.... hurridly texting Mark to let him know what was going on.. as we had planned on carpooling that morning....

I can only imagine his surprise as he comes back from his run to find the house completely empty, wondering what he did to piss me off so that I left while he was gone!

I am catching up on my work.... At least slightly, the problem being that I can't seem to concentrate on one single issue at a time... I work on bits and pieces of each... it makes for serious sloppyness... I need to stop that!!!! I say this as I am blogging instead of diving headfirst into work..... God I am a total mess!!!!

Why Wait for New Year's?

Ok, so I am tired... and subsequently very cranky... not much fun to be around of late....

The thing is, my life is a flurry of unorganization, while mentally I need to have everything perfectly tallied and in its place to function... this creates the subsequent crankiness... I'm the girl that alphabetizes her dvds, cds, books seperated by author and publishing date.... as you can imagine this makes me oh so much fun to live with!

Currently I don't have enough space to make sure that everything that I and my fabulous boyfriend own, well I hesitate to say not enough spce, our current appartment has plenty of it, however we are lacking the all too neccesary shelving units required to house said items....

The problem, or at least what I am going to label as the problem because it obviously can't be my poor time management or my magnificent ability to procrastinate, is that I have no time... none... the time that I would like to spend at home, furiously getting my home in order, is spent with my children at their father's house, or working on some other HUGE issue that has come up and I need to maintain at work.

The weekends that one might normally spend catching up on the work weeks chores gone by, I don't get to spend at home. I wake up in the morning, drive out to my ex's house and hang out there all day with the kids. Granted this makes my laundry life a little cheaper as I don't have to use the laundromat and can just wash my items at his house, however I don't get home with the fluffy clean laundry until about 9 at night, at which point in time, depending on the days activities... I am completely and utterly exhausted....

So the title of the post, um where the hell does that fit in you ask? Simple... I am not waiting until the holy of all holies of resolution making to try and get my mess of a life in order.... I am making my resolution right here and now... when I get home exhausted, I will not spend another night wasted in a hot bath and tv in the recliner until I can no longer hold my head up... I am going to start accomplishing tasks as they come towards me so that I might, just might, be ahead of the game for once...

To be as honest as possible however... we will have to wait and see... lately I have been a hell of a lot of talk with as little as possible in the action category... I am also going to have to start getting back to the gym.... I haven't gained any weight back yet, but with the onslaught of holiday meals fast approaching... it is a very real possibility!

Whirlwind Romance

I am one of those girls that tends to frown at all that is cute and cuddly, turning my nose up at the romance of it all.... but I am so ridiculously in love right now that I have become one of those vomit inducing couples that are adorable beyond belief.. and I am loving every moment of it. I find myself imagining marrying him, thinking about being engaged, obsessively texting or emailing him to let him know he is on my mind, and he more than returns the favor. I worry tho that we are also becoming one of those couples that never does anything apart. The problem is that we have so many complications going on between work and my children, that there are only so many days when we actually get to enjoy talking to each other face to face for more than a kiss goodnight, so I tag along where he goes and he returns the favor for me. Don't worry I'll wait while your nausea subsides.... We will see where this whole side by side-ness goes... if anything I am learning that we woudl totally kick ass in a 3 legged race!

And the wholesome family fun ensues...

so, took the kids trick or treating last night, not bad for a new york state halloween, they didn't even have to wear their jackets! unlike last year when we were dodging the remnants of our infamous october storm, with downed tree limbs and snow all over the place.

the kids made out like bandits and i thoroughly enjoyed sorting their candy at the end of the night... wait kids this might be poisoned i think mom is going to have to eat it just to make sure!

the best was when the kids went up to a door, and with their normal boisterousness... 1,2,3 TRICK OR TREAT.... no answer.... my son then follows that up with.... um... trick or treat? just his tone of voice was great and had all of us laughing forever....

This might be...

the start of something not quite so special....

i need an outlet for the millions of screaming lunatic thoughts running through my brain a million miles a minute. ok, so maybe i am being more than slightly melodramatic, hyperbolizing at best. not much for boredom, i know that at times i create my own drama... ha ha ha ha... at times... my life is interesting, or at least i tend to think so.

i am 29, currently married, but have not lived with my husband for almost 3 years (divorces are more than slightly expensive) i have two children, i live with an amazing boyfriend who gets along famously with both my "ex" and my children. i have a great job that drives me absolutely insane but am lucky to have... some might think i am very blessed.

however i am absolutely wretched at managing both my time and my money and hilarity ensues as we watch me fall apart! :o)

so enough of an introduction for now.... i will try to write something interesting soon...